The Parent Thing

My daughter just had her Sweet 16 party last Saturday Night. . . It's a special time in any girl's life and the only thing my daughter asked for was a real party. . . in a hall with a DJ-- the works. She'd also attended several of these before, so I figured we owed her friends this much.

All went well, we had a blast (worked like dogs, though we did) and it was great. Except for one thing.

Now, I can never tell if I'm a good mom or a bad mom, but one thing I know is I'm not the average mom. At least not compared to the ones I meet, whenever I happen to encounter them.

I also generally hate to categorize people. People are all uniquely individual and don't readily fall into categories, no matter how hard statisticians try to force us. There's always one or two exceptions to every rule. But most parents, as a species, seem to forget so very much. . . was it the act of birth and all those drugs? Or just all those drugs? ;-)

I don't know. I was never much for drugs. But I digress--

For one thing, I seem to be the only mom -- or parent for that matter -- to remember BEING a teenager. Or, maybe I'm one of the few who ever came to terms with that period of my life. At any rate, I seem to be the only one who understands what 15 or 16 feels like, most of which is pretty awful. I do know it's a time that has become a traditional phase of division between children and their parents. It wasn't always so, but I'll hold that thought for another post.

The point is, why can't parents ever recognise that their kids are PEOPLE first? It's not just parents of teenagers -- that's only when the issue really comes to the forefront -- but at all stages of life.

One parent at the party turned to me and, using the same old tired line, said, "oh, they're growing up so fast." I just looked at her and replied, "not fast enough, if you ask me!"

Of course, how we define growing up probably differs. When my daughter refused to help me prepare one of the party favors because she was "too tired" (oh, but she wasn't too tired to go online and chat with her friends for 4 hours), I did not consider that very "grown up". When she did, however, push through until the bitter end (at 2:30 in the morning) when we were decorating, that was VERY grown up of her. Course, that was after I pouted and slammed things around because of the favors. Hey-- if she doesn't have to behave like a grown-up, why should I? Because someone has to? B-S.

Maybe they grow up fast physically.

Another thing. When did all my contemporaries get so old. One lady who was there wanted to dance. . . like we did 25 years ago. Whoopee. I wanted to dance like people dance TODAY-- it's way more fun and has the added advantage of clearing space in your general vicinity. It's called skanking and I am SO glad the kids have finally found something to replace what has become "traditional" dancing (which is about as much fun as the fox trot or the waltz-- and I like the waltz).

When the kids were going home, I really saw the difference between myself and other parents. One parent of a hapless lad actually came up to me and said, "so, you're Molly's parents," and made him say "thank you for having me." I was waiting for her to ask if her son behaved himself-- as if. He was one of the quietest people, which was no surprise.

Another parent actually apologized because her daughter wore jeans-- as if anyone cared. She's one of my daughter's best friends, she came, that's what matters. She obviously has a problem with wearing a dress-- who hasn't at one point or another.

My daughter just wanted to give people (that like to) an excuse to dress up. Another mom (of a boy) actually forced the poor kid into a suit. Whew!

I really think one of our greatest sins as parents is that we try too hard. I wonder how many times major fights have occurred just because a parent insists their teenager do something stupid like put on a suit or dress. All it accomplishes is forcing the kid to feel even more self-conscious than usual.

DO parents remember being teenagers?