Teaching My Daughter Right

(Originally written Jan 30, 2001)

The other night I asked my daughter to help start dinner. Without hesitation, she shot back, "as long as it has nothing to do with the oven, I will. I don't want to go anywhere near that thing!"

I couldn't help but smile to myself, though I tried to hide it. After all, she's only 10-years-old and already she's developed a healthy dislike for cooking. Good Girl! I can already see that when she grows up she will be one lady who will be as unfamiliar with the kitchen as I wish I were. Unfortunately, I know my way around that particulr dungeon.

When I was her age, my mother totally ignored all the Women's Liberation edicts of the time. She counseled me that a good woman knows how to cook and clean and make the perfect coffee. This was an ideal to strive for, according to her. Now, please don't misunderstand. I love my mother. She was simply so busy running a household that she missed the boat politcally. (And my father wasn't gonna clue her in.)

I should have looked at the larger picture then. She had given me this sage advice -- not to mention, put it into practice -- because she had left my father and was working a full-time job herself. Therefore, I was expected to take over all the household chores: the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. At the time, she told me this was very good training for the life I would lead: That I would marry a man and be a good wife and mother. I didn't tell her that my dream was to live alone in a garret, work in a restaurant job where meals were provided and spend all my free time writing incredible (I hoped) novels. That dream was never realized. Her reality intruded instead.

But I'm not bitter. I do have my children and have managed to shake off most, if not all, of the trappings of domesticity. My husband does most of the cooking, though I must admit I still do almost all of the other chores.

And I have turned to my children for recompense. Especially my daughter. I have told her that cooking is something men should do -- they are naturally better at it since they often have that casual flair that adds spice to their endeavors. Women are too precise, too careful, to be creative in the kitchen. They tend to worry if they throw in an extra ½ teaspoon of baking soda. Not men! They just go with the flow. I also point out that there's a reason all the great chefs of the world are men. Cooking comes more naturally to them.

As for my son, I've warned him not to expect his wife to be handy in the kitchen. In fact, I have gone out of my way to show him how to fry eggs, make a meatloaf and whip up a cake. He'll be ready when his executive wife calls to say she has to stay late at the office. He has resisted this instruction, his male arrogance already surfacing. Okay. Let him find out the hard way.

But I'm not especially worried. Because teaching children to cook is nothing like it used to be. All I have to do is teach them to follow the directions on the package. I'm sure even my son can manage that. In fact, I believe all of the many frozen and packaged foods are a direct result of men's overly-efficient response to today's woman's reticence toward cooking. Not having the conscience to force them into the kitchen (and being too lazy to go there themselves), men have managed to create a whole selection of frozen foods that need only be popped into the microwave or heated on the stove.

Hopefully, my daughter will never develop any serious interest in cooking. Not, unless, she plans to become a chef. At the rate she's going, the only thing she'll ever make for dinner is reservations -- You Go, Girl!--mo